Operation: Jambalaya.

That is the code name for the latest unexpected (sorta) turn in my life. Michael is working on a big budget Warner Bros. movie, called The Green Lantern... which really doesn't interest me at all, except for the fact that it has Ryan Reynolds starring in it. And who doesn't like Ryan Reynolds? He's a hunky piece of dream cake. But anyway, since the film industry is gradually abandoning Los Angeles for tax credits in other film locations, they are shooting the movie in New Orleans. And, since the director wants him and his colleagues to continue their work near/on set... well, we're going to New Orleans!

First it was for four months, then it was for eight months. Then it was for a minimum of three months, but as many as nine months. We're settling on six months, and planning to be there longer.

When are we going, you ask? Well first it was November 30th, then it was January 4th. Then it was November 30th again, but now it's January 4th "probably." Considering it's the 6th of November with no clear answers... some of his colleagues put their foot down, and basically said "you know what? I'll be there on the 4th. See you then." But, that's the movie industry for you. Everything has to be last minute, apparently.

So! The unofficial but official enough plan: Go to New Orleans on January 4th, and plan to be there well into the following summer.

And why would *I* go you ask? A few reasons.

For starters, I don't enjoy L.A. It's not a particularly interesting, or fun city to be in. I also don't have a job and can't seem to find a job here with good steady income. Combined with the high cost of living, it's really just a recipe for accumulating debt. I also hate the weather here. It's 80+ degrees most of the year during the day, and freezing at night (it is a desert, after all). And don't even get me STARTED on the traffic... so. What's there to miss, honestly?

New Orleans is a more interesting, entertaining, and fun city to be in. It has a lower cost of living and a much lower unemployment rate, partly because the city's population is still recovering from Katrina. So I will be more entertained, more comfortable, with actual money in my pocket! Makes sense, right?



And best of all: the movie pays for living expenses (housing and food). So what we're left with is a free, extended vacation to New Orleans where we have a front row seat to Mardi Gras and we can take frequent weekend trips up to Atlanta. Why wouldn't I go??


GOODBYE LOS ANGELES! Goodbye to your smog, terrible neighborhoods, heaven-help-us-all traffic jams, and high cost of living with a complete lack of a job market.


So the past week I have been artfully seeking housing options... and I think I've found one. Walking distance to a free ferry that crosses the Mississippi River and drops you off right in the heart of the French Quarter. And best of all? PET FRIENDLY! NO CANINE WEIGHT LIMITS! We're meeting with the owner next week, who coincidentally and conveniently lives in L.A....and we're going to go from there.

So what it comes down to is, my quality of life - and my blog - will be much better, soon.

(And yes, I will come up with a recipe for jambalaya.)

Blueberry Tart

I got called a tart yesterday (by a friend), which reminded me to make one of my favorite desserts. I don't know what season blueberries are in, because they never seem to be in season here in California. I don't know where they grow these things, but they sure as hell don't grow them here because they're always like $10.00/lb year round. Every so often they go on sale, and you think to yourself, "oh blueberries must be in season." But then you pick up a box, look a little closer, and realize that the only reason they're so cheap is because half of them are rotting and the grocery store is just trying to get rid of them.

So when it comes to any recipes that use a lot of blueberries, I always opt for frozen. If you're just going to cook them down anyway, why does it matter if they're fresh or frozen? You're just going to assault the poor things with heat and sugar so much that they'll hardly resemble their original form, so I don't think it matters at all. And besides - blueberries are always in season in the freezer section. Especially if you shop at Costco, like me.

So I made a tart because I wanted to, but you could easily take the same filling and put it in a pie. Use 6 cups of blueberries, and double the amounts of everything else.


Blueberry Tart

Single pie crust (http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/pate-brisee-pie-dough)

3.5 c. frozen blueberries
1/4 c. sugar
1/2 cinnamon stick (if you don't have one add 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon)
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp water
1 tbsp cornstarch


1. Put the blueberries, sugar, cinnamon stick, vanilla and water in a saucepan. Heat over medium until the blueberries begin to sweat. Reduce to a simmer, and cook for about 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Meanwhile, make a single pie crust and fit it to a tart pan. I didn't grease mine, but I guess you could if you really wanted to.

3. Mix the cornstarch in a tiny bit of cold water just to dissolve it. Add it to the blueberries, and stir it well. Remove from heat.

4. Pour the blueberries into the tart pan fitted with the pastry, and bake for approximately 30 minutes in a 375 degree oven.

I actually wasn't paying attention to how long it took so I'm just guessing on the time... so, remember people: if the edges of the crust are browning, it should be done.

Cat Torture Exercise

They told me two things: my dog probably won't get used to cats, and even so, my cat probably won't get used to dogs.

"Oh, it'll be fine..." I said.

And here we are, five or so months later:

Oh snap.

I follow Weird Al's Twitter... naturally... and he sometimes posts videos of random things he does. One happens to be of him in a grocery store.

Long story short? I shop at the same Ralph's as Weird Al Yankovic. Do I feel that my life now has new meaning?

I think I do.

It has been... approximately 3 months and 26 days since I first arrived in Los Angeles. Battered and torn from my university days, I was welcomed into the uncomfortably hot arms of this mostly unforgiving city. Given that I have been to L.A. many many times since my youth, I had an idea of what to expect from living here. And truth be told, I wasn't expecting much.

You see, I come from a city of culture. Los Angeles has it's own, strange culture... but it doesn't really embrace other cultures. Not the way San Francisco does. And I MISS that. I thought, "why is there never anything to do here? What did I USED to do?" And I realized that L.A. is missing two big parts of San Francisco culture/nightlife: cafes with amazing live music ANY night of the week, and pubs. I mean REAL pubs. Not an "Irish pub" which is really just a sports bar covered in green lights. And it's a damn shame!

Michael and I were driving around the other day, marveling at how ugly Los Angeles is... and we had to think about why it's so ugly. I mean really. Why is it so ugly? And we came up with three big reasons. One is the architecture... there is a lot of cheap, decaying apartment or strip mall buildings that are just fugly. Seriously. The second is all the ads. There are signs and billboards and ads all over the place. They even have these ads on wheels that they put on the side of the road everywhere. The third and final reason we came up with was the lack of trees and green stuff in general. Los Angeles is like that nasty girl you see in public without any regard for what she looks like. Lipstick smeared, mascara running, hair tangled, and her thong hanging out of her sweat pants with the word "princess" stamped across her big, misshapen ass.

But people visit, and they think L.A. is nice. So why is that? It's because people go to the nice parts of L.A... Beverly Hills, Malibu, Pacific Palisades, maybe Orange County. Universal City. They don't realize that a good 80% of the city is not a pleasant place to live or even briefly visit.

Lucky for us, Michael and I live in a nicer neighborhood. We pay more for this privilege, and unfortunately it still means that we're surrounded by shitty neighborhoods (Van Nuys and North Hollywood, namely).

It hasn't rained since we moved in mid-June. Most days, it was well above 85 degrees F. The past week, finally, it has been considerably cooler. Maybe in the high 60s to low 70s. Thank Christ. We're all hoping it stays this way. Occasionally, the temperature would cool, and we would mistakenly assume that the weather was changing... only to wake up to another 80 degree morning. But I have a good feeling about this one. So, since the weather has improved, it means Darwin gets longer, more frequent walks. Yesterday, I decided to take my camera with me when I walked Darwin, just to see if I'd find anything photo-worthy on the way.

Dog is photo-worthy.


Dog is still photo-worthy.

Aside from the weather turning, this is really
the only evidence of autumn that I have seen down here.


I love magnolia trees. Mostly because they're beautiful,
but partly because I live off Magnolia Street.

And after such beauty, I came across this little
strange display. I think Darwin found it just as
peculiar as I did. Why is it broken? More importantly,
why is it outside on the front lawn?

As if that wasn't weird enough, I soon found
this. As amused as I was... really, though.
It's not nice to steal someone's scarecrow.

So this is my street, which isn't usually that
exciting. However...

The sky was really vibrant that day.

Pumpkin Bread

I don't have an introduction for this one. All I have to say is, I like pumpkin bread, which is why I created this recipe. I think I still like pumpkin pie better (refer to previous entry), but that is probably just because I can slather it in whipped cream. I read somewhere that the Native Americans are responsible for pumpkin bread, but that's probably a load of hogwash. And if it is correct, you know they probably didn't have access to sugar, so it was probably super gross anyway. So I think it goes without saying that my recipe is better than theirs.



Pumpkin Bread

1/2 tsp salt
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. granulated sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/4 c. canned pumpkin
1/4 c. honey
1/4 c. oil (vegetable or canola - and I like to add a splash of extra virgin olive oil to the amount)
1/4 c. milk
2 eggs; beaten
1/2 tsp fresh nutmeg (ground)
2 tsp cinnamon (ground)
1/4 tsp ginger (ground)
1/4 tsp clove (ground)
1 3/4 c. flour
3/4 c. walnuts; chopped

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. In a large bowl, beat together the salt, sugars, baking soda, pumpkin, honey, oil, milk, eggs, and spices.
3. Add the flour gradually and mix until just combined.
4. Fold in the chopped walnuts.
5. Pour the batter into a well greased loaf pan.
6. Bake 55-65 mins, or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center.

Pumpkin Pie

With it being so well into September, in my mind, Fall is unofficially upon us! Oh, Fall. How I love thee. The weather gets colder, the food gets hotter... the leaves stay the same color because I live on the West Coast. We have Halloween, my birthday, and Thanksgiving to enjoy. In that order. And, with the new season upon us comes the triumphant return of Winter squash! Namely: the almighty pumpkin. You can cook it, bake it, decorate it, and even put a tiny flame in it. Few things in life are so versatile as the pumpkin.

And so, I'm beginning the season with a Thanksgiving classic. Traditionally (or at least commonly) pumpkin pie filling is made with evaporated milk. My secret ingredient is sweetened condensed milk, and I use it because it makes the filling a lot more dense.Which I prefer to the lighter, more airy alternative.

If you're lazy like me, you can use a store bought pie crust. I do it all the time, and trust me, nobody cares. But if you're so inclined, you can make it from scratch too. I recommend the following recipe, which has always been my favorite: http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/pate-brisee-pie-dough.

(Sorry for the crappy photo, but, I never claimed to be a photographer.)


Pumpkin Pie

1/2 c. light brown sugar (packed)
1 tbsp cornstarch
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1.5 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 15-oz. can of pumpkin puree
1 14-oz. can of sweetened condensed milk
3 eggs; lightly beaten
Single pie crust

1. Place the rack in the middle of the oven, and preheat to 425 degrees F. In a large bowl, beat together the sugar, cornstarch, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, pumpkin, and condensed milk.

2. Gently add the eggs to the mixture, and beat until thoroughly combined. Careful not to beat on a high speed, or you'll whip the eggs and have air bubbles on the surface of the pie.

3. Roll out the pie crust and fit to an ungreased pie pan. Pour the pumpkin filling into the pie shell.

4. Bake the pie for 10 minutes, then reduce the heat to 350 degrees F, and bake for about 30 minutes more. Don't open the oven door!

The pie will be done when you tap the pan and the center does not jiggle. If the edges of the crust begin to brown, take the pie out of the oven, and cover the edges with tinfoil strips.

Coraline.

I would say that, ever since we signed up for Blockbuster's online rental program, we watch at least three movies per week. Now that's not so bad, considering I have no money, and the boyfriend and I both worked hard to create a super rad home theater complete with projector and movie screen... and PS3, and a universal remote, and surround sound...

So a few days ago, we receive Coraline in the mail. "Hooray!" I thought. "An adult friendly children's movie, based on an award winning children's book." My dear friend Sydney saw the film in the theater and told me she was shocked at how terrifying it was. I assumed she was just being a big baby. The movie was based on a children's book, it had sweet little Dakota Fanning... I mean really. How scary could it possibly be?

But she was right! The whole movie is a beautifully animated nightmare. It's disturbing, creepy, and downright terrifying at times! Even Michael had to acknowledge that he was a little disturbed during some scenes. I could be wrong, but, I felt like this movie was marketed as a child friendly film, when it should have been marketed as a scary movie. Nobody in their right mind should allow a child younger than 12 or so to see this movie.

The story is creepy, the animation is creepy, the characters are creepy, their movement is creepy and their voices are creepy. Despite all the creepiness, the movie is beautiful though. Very colorful (most of the time) and beautifully animated. It was a deeply disturbing, moving work of art. Like a nightmare of a schizophrenic artist or something. Worth seeing, definitely, but only for people 12 and up.

Well, I was wrong.

Apparently, you can grow corn plants on a patio, in a pot...
















"Oh, sure," I told my eager boyfriend. "But will they produce corn?"


Yes. Apparently, they will.

Cinnamon Buns with Cream Cheese Frosting

Well, I did it. I created the ultimate cinnamon bun recipe (are they rolls? Or buns?). This is based on my own personal taste, obviously, but the boyfriend gave it a thumbs up without any constructive criticism. And I can tell you, if there is something wrong with what I make, he will not hesitate to inform me just where and when I went wrong. He's very endearing like that. Some aspects of the cinnamon bun are non-negotiable, like cream cheese frosting. Other aspects, such as the consistency of the dough or the amount of cinnamon used, are up for debate. I have tried many cinnamon bun/roll recipes in the past, and I find that often they too closely resemble a bread... when really, they should resemble more of a bready cake, in my opinion. There is a difference. You see, I like my cinnamon buns the same way I like my men: Soft, sweet, and rich. HA. Three points for that one. Okay anyway, after sampling a small roll fresh from the oven, my teeth hurt and I had to fight off the compulsion to eat an apple and brush my teeth. That's called success, my friends. And although the frosting may look like hot mayonnaise, I swear it doesn't taste like it.


Cinnamon Buns with Cream Cheese Frosting


For the dough:

1 c. milk
1/4 c. butter; melted
4 1/4 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 env. active dry yeast
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp oil (vegetable, canola, lighter olive oil, or whatever)
1/4 c. honey

For the filling:

3/4 c. brown sugar
2 tbsp cinnamon
1/4 c. butter; softened

For the frosting:

4 oz. cream cheese; softened
3/4 c. powdered sugar
1/4 c. butter; softened
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp honey

1. Heat the milk in the microwave, approx. 45 seconds, to warm it. Add the yeast, after making sure the milk isn't too hot (it should be tepid, or a little warmer than tepid). Let sit for approx. 10 mins, then stir to dissolve.

2. In a large bowl, mix together the melted butter, sugar, eggs, salt, oil, and honey. Add the yeast and milk, and mix well. Slowly incorporate the flour, one cup at a time, until the dough is formed.

3. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and knead approx. 10 mins or until a smooth, elastic dough forms. Dough should not be sticky, but not too dry either. Let the dough rise in a clean bowl, covered, about 1 1/2 - 2 hours. (Note: this is a dense, sticky dough. It won't rise like bread dough, ie the focaccia dough in a previous entry).

4. After the dough has risen, roll out on a floured surface into a 1/2-in. thick rectangle. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Spread 1/4 c. of softened butter or margine on the surface of the dough.

5. In a small bowl, mix together the brown sugar and cinnamon. Sprinkle over the surface of the dough, leaving a 1/2-in. border around all edges.

6. Beginning with one edge, roll the dough into a log. Cut the dough in 1 1/2-in. thick slices, and arrange in a greased rectangular casserole dish, leaving about an inch of space around the buns.

7. Bake approx. 22-28 mins, or until the tops just begin to brown.

8. To make the frosting, mix together the softened butter, cream cheese, powdered sugar, vanilla, and honey. Spread over the cinnamon buns when they have cooled some.


Yields: approx. 8-10 buns.


I haven't tried this, but I assume that you could refrigerate the buns in the casserole dish overnight, and bake them in the morning. I personally refrigerated them this way for several hours before baking and they turned out fine.

Leftovers can be stored in the fridge, covered, for a few days.Feel free to microwave them before eating.

Creamy Potato and Leek Soup

I actually only had potato and leek soup for the first time a few years ago. My cousin Caroline and I were in Aberdeen, Scotland. Having been beaten down by the exchange rate the past week, soup du jour was the only thing we felt comfortable affording most of the time when eating out in the U.K.

After a long day, and an even longer search for an affordable dinner, we finally made reservations at a little Italian place tucked away from the strip that had soup du jour. To put things into perspective, soup du jour was usually around three or four pounds stirling (approximately $6.00-$8.00 USD). Anything else on the menu would be closer to ten pounds stirling (approximately $20.00 USD), usually more. Now you understand why soup was so very satisfying.

So, about an hour into our wait for a table, we were fully irritated with everything. We had had a long day, with a few mishaps, a few disappointments, a few irritations. It was late, we were hungry, and we were very annoyed at the lack of restaurants in such a busy part of town. Especially because the only one we had found was making us wait another hour for a table. An older couple who was also waiting began to chat with us, insisting on buying us both a drink. They were charming, and I don't know if it was the company or the alcohol that began to cheer us up. Not soon after, we were called to our table, where I of course ordered the soup du jour - which was potato and leek soup. We ate quickly, given that it was well past 10:00 pm, and thanked the couple on our way out for turning our evening around. Not the best story, but, one I still remember fondly. This is the story of my first time eating potato and leek soup... fondly remembered, because of the friendly couple who saved our moods that evening.

The following is the recipe I created specifically to recreate the soup I had that night in Aberdeen. I like this recipe because it's simple, cheap, and fast. It doesn't get much better than that.


Creamy Potato and Leek Soup

2 Russet potatoes
1 leek
1 can chicken stock
1/2 c. whipping cream
1 c. milk
1 t salt

optional but recommended: 1/2 c. grated white cheese of choice (parmesan, cheddar, etc.)

Peel and cube the potatoes. Rough chop the light green and white parts of the leek. In a large saucepan, combine the potatoes, leek, and stock. Bring to a boil, and simmer until the potatoes are soft, approximately 30 minutes. Using a whisk, stir the soup to break apart the potatoes. It's okay if the soup is a little chunky, but it shouldn't look like mashed potatoes.

Stir in the cream, milk, and salt. Continue to simmer for another 10 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in the grated cheese. Done!

Yields: approx. two large servings



Notes: I recommend you make only what you need, because the leftovers don't keep very well. They taste okay, but the starch absorbs most of the liquid and the next day you'll have soupy mashed potatoes instead of actual soup.

Santa Monica

Welcome to Santa Monica! Famous for its shopping, dining, and of course, homeless people! According to my friend, a local transplant and fellow Bay Area native, people in Santa Monica think they're better than the city of Los Angeles. She says they don't consider themselves a part of L.A. and she has been corrected more than once that in fact, this isn't Los Angeles.... this is Santa Monica. Little do they know that everyone else thinks they're still in L.A., albeit a slightly nicer part.

Yes, Santa Monica is nicer than downtown L.A., this is true. The weather is also more comfortable, and I myself was very surprised at the fact that I was actually cold as night fell. It was a pleasant change from the sweltering heat of The Valley. Here is how the city compares: Santa Monica: better than North Hollywood, worse than Beverly Hills.

We'll consider it somewhere in the middle. I did enjoy their famous promenade, which was pretty much an outdoor mall. But who doesn't appreciate a good outdoor mall?

There's only one thing that really made this place more superior than your standard outdoor mall, and that is fantastic street musicians. The gentleman pictured here was a phenomenal guitarist, and I actually regret not purchasing his CD.

And while Larissa kept busy shopping for a massage pillow thing...








I kept busy with a foot squeeze machine. I guess if you wanted to have a little respect for the inventors, you might call it a mechanical massager... or something... but really, it was a foot squeeze machine.

After two hours, and $35.00 well spent, we decided to take advantage of the many sushi restaurants Santa Monica has to offer with half-off happy hour. The boyfriend met us at a popular sushi joint, which was so popular we opted for take-out instead. The sushi was great, and you can't beat 32 pieces for $15.00... plus free miso soup and edamame, for two. If you're not going to go to Santa Monica for the shopping and the cold, I recommend you at least go for the sushi. Totally worth it.

Rosemary Garlic Focaccia Bread

Focaccia bread is a flat bread I think originating from somewhere in the Mediterranean. My inclination is to claim Italy is the wizard behind this creation, but it could have been some crazy Cretan or something. Nevertheless, I still regard this particular delicacy as being Italian, no matter where it really came from.

It is more or less a leavened dough of few ingredients that is dimpled, smothered in olive oil, and massaged with spices or other flavorful additives. It is, more or less, delicious.

Ever since my KitchenAid stand mixer came into my life, a very well-deserved anniversary present she was, making breads and doughs has become easier than ever. But, because I assume that most people do not own one of these delightful machines, I will write the recipe for the general population instead. Keep in mind this recipe is time consuming. The work itself isn't hard, but you have to wait around for a while for the dough to rise. Approximate time, from start to finish, will be at least three hours. But it's not like anyone has anything better to do than make fresh bread, right?


Rosemary Garlic Focaccia Bread

1 envelope active dry yeast
1/2 c. tepid water
4 c. all-purpose flour
3 tsp salt
3 tbsp garlic; minced
2 tbsp fresh rosemary; chopped
EXTRA VIRGIN olive oil


1. Dissolve the yeast in a bowl with the tepid water. Let the yeast sit for about 10 minutes, then stir to dissolve.

2. Meanwhile, mix together the flour and 2 tsp of the salt in a large mixing bowl. Add the yeast water to the flour, and start mixing. You're going to have to add more tepid water to the mixture, until a smooth dough forms.

I think I added nearly 1.5 cups to mine. It's a bitch, and this is the point when I give my stand mixer a little kiss for doing the work for me. Here's what a smooth dough looks like:

3. Add about 2 tbsp of the minced garlic, and 1 tbsp of the rosemary to the dough. Knead the dough on a floured surface at least 10 or so minutes, until it is smooth and elastic and the herbs are pretty evenly distributed:

4. Put the dough back in the bowl, if it's clean enough, and cover with plastic. Let it rise in a warm place until doubled in volume. Two hours is a reasonable expectation. It should look like this:

5. At this point, it's time to get a cookie sheet out. Grease that thing up right with some olive oil, and slap the dough on there. Roll it out until it's about an even inch or so thick - the shape doesn't matter, so don't attempt a perfect rectangle. Let it rise another 30 minutes.

6. Slather the top in olive oil, spread around the remaining garlic and rosemary, and sprinkle on the remaining salt. The dough will collapse some, but take care not to compress it too much. With your finger tips, gently dimple the dough so it looks like this:

7. Now it's ready for baking! Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F, and bake until it's golden brown on the top, approximately 25-30 minutes. Voila!

Beautiful.

Please note that you MUST let the dough rise properly. I tried to rush things before and ended up with a broken heart and a giant bread stick that even the dog could barely chew. If there is just too much damn bread in the end, it's okay - it freezes well!

Laurel Canyon Dog Park

This is the closest dog park to our house, so we decided to take Darwin here last Friday. I have heard it is a pretty big dog park, but I must have overestimated its size in my head because it was smaller than I thought it would be. Really though, it was a pretty big dog park, with a lot of dogs. There were entire brigades of dog walkers there, herding packs of 30+ dogs! Who does that?? Do dogs ever get left behind? How can you possibly keep track of that many dogs when they aren't really yours? These people are serious professionals, and I was a little intimidated by their dog wrangling skills.

One thing I appreciated about this park that was noticeably different from my experience with San Francisco dog parks, was the lack of idiots and their aggressive mutts. I think during the hour and a half we were there, I may have seen one wussy dog fight. And not one crazy homeless drug addict with a ratty mongrel anywhere in sight! Maybe if we were closer to Santa Monica.


My worthless opinion aside, Darwin seemed to enjoy himself, despite the fact that he refused to stray too far from Michael's side. I do resent the fact that MY dog has taken more to my boyfriend in recent weeks. I maintain that it's because Michael lets Darwin jump up on him.

It was freakin' hot, but some dogs learned to cope.

Not Darwin though, who at this point in time is not a big fan of the water. He was perfectly content sitting next to Michael or occasionally running after a ball.



It all seemed pretty normal until Michael pointed out that one of the gentlemen across the park was a pretty big-name actor, although I haven't personally seen any of his movies. Shortly after, a woman approached the area we were sitting in. Her dog came up to me, and as I quickly fell in love with his sweetness, I hear the woman tell her friend that the dog I was petting was owned by an actress. Her friend says, "a known actress?" Her response was a chuckle before she says "oh yeah." As I sat there, petting some famous person's dog, looking at another famous actor with his dog and tall, tanned, blond girlfriend, I was reminded that I am indeed in Los Angeles now.

A Lesson in Zucchini Horticulture

Given that my mom is a horticulturist/botanist/florist extraordinaire (among other things) and I myself love to cook, my exposure to her expertise inevitably led me to cultivating my own edibles. So, after we moved, one of the boyfriend's first projects he decided to undertake was building me some wood planter boxes for our patio:

Shortly before, we had made a trip to the local nursery to start building our "crop." In addition to many other things, we... or he, rather (it was all a graduation present), purchased some zucchini plants. I've always wanted to try cooking with zucchini blossoms, and I've been forced to cultivate my own since I can never seem to find zucchini blossoms anywhere... despite the internet telling me they are so easily attainable.

So far, good fortune has graced us with flourishing zucchini plants, with blossoms just begging to be eaten. The problem is, most fruits/vegetables actually come from the center of the flower. The plant blossoms, the pedals of the flower die, and the center is left to grow into a fruit or vegetable or whatever. Therefore, if you pick the flower, you won't get the thing you wanted that it was supposed to be... which begs the question: if I pick a zucchini blossom, does that prevent it from turning into a zucchini? I at once consulted the internet, who told me that a zucchini plant produces two kinds of blossoms: male and female.

"What the hell?" I thought. "Male and female?"

With further reading it seemed that the MALE blossoms are for eating because the FEMALE blossoms turn into zucchinis. This led me to my second question: what the hell is the difference?

This! The female "flowers" actually look like a baby zucchini, which you can see at the very base of the plant. Whereas the male flowers actually look like... well, flowers. This means that the past week, I have watched bright orange delicious flowers wilt right before my very eyes, afraid to touch them because of the possibility that they may be baby zucchinis. I shake my head at the thought of how many blossoms were wasted.






You see this? This is a little boy I could have eaten.






I suppose the good news is, since I have made the distinction between male and female, edible and non-edible... it is now time to develop a recipe for zucchini blossoms.

"Fucking Perfect" Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

A bold title, I know. After writing, editing, and finally baking this recipe, I asked my roommate Dale what he thought of them. Before he responded, I said that I thought they were alright. Not as good as I was hoping. His response was, "what are you talking about? These are fucking perfect." Hence the title. These cookies are some strange hybrid of oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies. They don't contain enough oatmeal to be considered oatmeal cookies, and they don't contain enough flour to be considered chocolate chip cookies. But you know what? I like oats. Okay? I like to add oats to cookies for no good reason, and I don't think that makes me a bad person.

For people who are not accustomed to baking, cookies are a good way to start. They are usually simple to make and, unless you're an idiot, they're hard to screw up too much. And if you just so happen to be an idiot and one batch doesn't turn out very good, chances are (depending on your own personal level of idiocy) you can modify the dough so that the second batch turns out a little better.

As I was concocting this recipe, I came upon what I presumed to be my end result. "They don't look that amazing" was my thought. I tasted the batter, and again thought "it doesn't taste THAT amazing." Before I knew it, my stand mixer attachment was bone dry. This brings me to an important cookie baking tip, if any of you should be so bold as to come up with your own recipes or simply modify existing ones: if the batter is delicious before you bake it, it will also be delicious after you bake it. Simple, right?

I think what made the batter so delicious in this case were my not-so-secret favorite cookie ingredients: cream, honey, and cinnamon. I guess if you didn't have any, you could omit the honey. But what kind of self respecting person doesn't keep honey in the house, I ask you?

So! Having said all that, behold:

"Fucking Perfect" Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 c. butter; softened
1 c. light brown sugar
1/2 c. white sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp salt
3 tbsp honey
3 tbsp whipping cream
1.5 tsp cinnamon
2 c. flour
2 c. oats
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 bag semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Mix together the butter, sugars, eggs, vanilla, salt, honey, whipping cream, and cinnamon in a large bowl. In another bowl, mix together the flour, oats, and baking powder. Incorporate the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients and mix until combined.

Place spoonfuls of dough about 3 inches apart on a greased baking sheet, and bake for approximately 20 mins or until the cookies are browning around the edges.

Yields: about 4 dozen cookies